Is Self-care Selfish?
Absolutely not. It’s healthy for you and the people around you; it’s necessary.
I work with many people with high levels of stress and burnout because they’re overworked and overextended in giving to others. Yes, some of us are responsible for caring for other people like our kids, sick family members, or elders. You might also take on other people’s responsibilities, commitments, and even their problems to the point of not having time and energy for yourself. You might feel “guilty” about taking a break or taking care of yourself because there’s so much work and so much to do for others.
You need to take care of yourself to be in a better position to help others. So, if you think about it, self-care is the opposite of being selfish.
Self-care refers to the actions one takes to lead a healthy lifestyle and manage their health, with or without the support of a healthcare provider. It includes a broad range of health behaviors like maintaining a nutritious diet, regular exercise, ensuring adequate sleep, managing stress, and avoiding harmful habits like smoking or excessive alcohol consumption (1). Caring for yourself gives you more physical energy and emotional bandwidth to be there for others.
For me, self-care is essential so I can be present with my husband and kids, clean my house, care for patients, teach medical trainees, run a business, help my friends and family when they need support, and contribute to my community. Adequate self-care allows me to show up in my best version in each role.
Here are some of the ways I practice self-care (body, mind, and soul)
Owning and protecting my time
Morning routine to set the tone for the day
Keeping a clear yet flexible calendar to be on track with my goals. I block time for some of my self-care activities!
Running and weight training
Sleep. Rest rewards throughout the day.
Slowing down and allowing my body to recover when I’m sick
Going to all my doctor and dental appointments and annual check-ups
Taking 10-30 minutes a day for meditation
Avoiding a “working lunch” and instead really take a break
Not personalizing other people’s inability to regulate their emotions
Not blaming myself for other people’s mistakes
Protecting my mind and being aware of the thoughts I focus on
Feeling ok with confidently saying “no”
Making time for my hobbies (schedule it if needed!)
Enjoying down times, unstructured times, doing nothing
Investing in myself and my goals (like taking personal and professional developmental courses)
Journaling, Coloring, Legos to rest my mind
Going to the beach or hiking
Playing Mario Kart or watching movies to rest my mind from work or errands
Calling or texting a friend, my mom, or my sisters
Not being so hard on myself when things don’t go as planned; I focus on creating new plans instead
Crying when feeling too upset, then moving on
Asking for help
Being brave
...Have you tried listing out your self-care routine? It’s hard to stop once you get going! Make your list; I’d love to hear what others are doing!
(1) Godfrey CM, Harrison MB, Lysaght R, Lamb M, Graham ID, Oakley P. Care of self-care by other - care of other: the meaning of self-care from research, practice, policy, and industry perspectives. Int J Evid Based Healthc. 2011 Mar;9(1):3-24. doi: 10.1111/j.1744-1609.2010.00196.x. PMID: 21332660.